The Lloyd Surprise

New Blue Truck

2:33 PM

SHOW Them How To Reach For The Stars

9:07 AM

Have you ever thought back to when you were a child, and reminisced about what you wanted to be when you grew up? You either had huge aspirations, like the popular astronaut (and let’s face it, everyone just thought very "cute") or you were like me and don't remember ever thinking about the future as a child.

I should have probably prefaced this and say that I don't remember a whole lot from my childhood in general. I have been thinking lately about my childhood and trying to figure out why I can't remember very much. I am not talking about when I was a small child. But, even as an older child...6 maybe 12 years old. I don’t have that many memories. Maybe a brain scan should be in my near future?

Thankfully though, I do have some very strong good memories that I try to rely on as how most of my childhood probably looked like.

I remember going to my Grandma B’s house every day after school and the awesome snack plate she always had waiting for us. I remember going to her house when I was sick and mom had to work. For some reason a quite house, with the faint sound of kids playing & birds chirping outside always reminds me of that.

I remember during the summer, we had to go to a babysitter’s house and close to the end of the day we would run down to the end of the street and watch the traffic for mom’s car. It always seemed to take forever for her to get home.

I remember big family events like Christmas and going to Big Bear during the week of the New Year. The three of us kids would always sleep on grandma’s couch and fall asleep watching Christmas movies trying to stay awake to see Santa.

I remember fighting with my brother but then having him come into my bedroom at night because we were both scared of the dark.

I remember going to Montana to visit my other grandparents every summer & being painfully homesick but crying on the plane when we had to come home.

These are some of the fun memories I like to think about. And, maybe this is a typical amount of memories of most people? I am not sure.

But, there are a few reasons why I have been thinking about my own childhood lately.

1. I want to make sure that my children look back and remember that they had so much fun growing up in our house. I want them to remember traditions and playing with their dad on the couch every single night. I want them to remember the unwavering, mind blowing, breathtaking love that we have for them. But, I also want them to remember that they were disciplined and maybe even a little afraid of their mom. I want them to remember it all (ok, maybe not everything). And that's a good reminder to me of the type of mother I need to be.

2. What the heck do I want to be when I grow up? I have been trying to decipher what my passion for life is. I am not talking about the typical--my children and my husband passions. Because, of course, THEY are my LIFE. My reason for breathing. But, I want more. I need more. I want my life to have purpose outside of being the best mother and wife I can be.

I am a big believer that a mother CAN’T have it all. And, possibly women in general. You just can’t.

You can’t be a:

Stay @ Home Mom and have a career where you are respected and revered for your knowledge, hard work and perfectly pedicured toenails.

You can’t have a:

Spotless home with zero dishes in the sink, beautiful designer clothing hanging in your walk in closet and have time to go to the gym 5 times a week after work .

You can’t make:

A homemade cake for your child’s birthday while meeting deadlines elsewhere and get a full night’s sleep.

These things just DO-NOT-HAPPEN. This is reality. When you have children, you can.not.have.it.all. And you know what, that’s ok! When you see your babies smile when you walk into a room despite your unwashed and mangled crazy hair because you didn’t have time to wash it—you realize, you don’t need it all. With that said though, even if you aren't a mother--I still don't think you can have it all. Am I wrong?

So….that’s not what I am talking about. I don’t need it ALL. I just need to find my PASSION. I have a lot of “loves” but I don’t know if they would qualify as passion. My husband is someone who has some fierce passions. Passions , I don't think, are a long is of items. These are his:

Dodgers (I would have said baseball in general, but I want to be specific here)

His Company (homeboy has worked countless hours, endless nights, through blood sweat and tears for this company he started. His passion for it still amazes me)

His girls (I know I said that our kids don’t count. But, I wish you could see, and maybe you have-but his passion for our daughters is immeasurable. He would kill for them, and I have seen the look in his eyes when he has thought about it. I know without a doubt, that my children are going to have a dad that will not ever –not even close-turn his back on)

This is a lengthy and possibly useless post. But, I have needed to get these thoughts down for some time. Either to sort out what I have been feeling, or maybe in the future my kids need to read this and know that their mom wanted so badly to make their childhood and future something spectacular.

AND

That their mom, always wanted more. That she not only wanted to teach them to reach for the stars but wanted to SHOW them HOW to reach for them.

I am off to discover my passion. And blog more. I really really really need to blog more.

sidenote: this is my 200th post. pretty dope.